That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
