i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
