At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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