I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize