super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
