The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
