Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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