Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
