9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
