New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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