I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
