just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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