I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize