he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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