Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
