are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
