Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
