nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
