she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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