just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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