why didn't you poke me back
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
