This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
