I got chris browned last night
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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