You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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