i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
