i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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