Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
