Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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