the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
