There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
