my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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