She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize