I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
