Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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