Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
