I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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