he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize