Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
