I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
