Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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