Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
