Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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