I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
