just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
