He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize