No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
