Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
