I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
