question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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