How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
