so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just gargled with NyQuil
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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