so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
