If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
