Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize