dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
