I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
