I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
