I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
