I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
