There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I supernannyed him into submission
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
