lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
