Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
