On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
