I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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