You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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