I am spending my child support on dildos
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
