If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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