I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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