Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize