when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
