to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
