yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
