I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
