Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
