Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize