i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've blown a few things in my day
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's rum buckets o'clock
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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