So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
