I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
