i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
