woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
