Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
