OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
