There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize