I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
