I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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