I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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