Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
