so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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