Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
