chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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