her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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