my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
