he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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