this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
