A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
