Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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