Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
