allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
