i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
