This girl is more easily done than said...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
