bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
