ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
