So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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