I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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