fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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